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What to Expect When You’re Not Desperate to Expect

Over the weekend, I realized I was quasi-content.

And it scared the mess out of me.

With my recent book launch, my mind and body have been racing in a hundred different directions. While it’s been stressful, hard work, I’m starting to see things happen. I’ve had small speaking opportunities, and more are lining up. I may get the chance to travel overseas with one of my best friends in October. To a girl who’s never owned a passport, it would be a dream come true.

As I excitedly pondered all these things, the thought struck me. I’m glad I’m not pregnant and don’t have small children right now. Visions of speaking, travel, and Jerimiah traveling with me, flooded my brain. It was a happy reverie. Suddenly, I realized it had no children in it.

Something I said almost a year ago slid to the forefront of my mind. “Children might not be in the plan God has for my husband and me. If that’s the case, God will help our hearts bear it.” Dread crept up my throat like acid reflux.

“Dang it! God, I was just kidding! I’m not content.”

He raised His eyebrows. “Oh really. You could’ve fooled me.”

“Well, hypothetically speaking, if I were content, would it mean You’re not going to give me and Jerimiah kids?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Not necessarily.”

I huffed. “So You’re not going to tell me what Your plans are.”

“Don’t confuse your current state with My plans.” His tone was gentle.

“But I said—”

He cut me off. “I know what you said. I’m happy you said it. Please, don’t let useless worry steal your joy.”

I puzzled. “How else will You know how badly I want children some day if not through my obsessive worry?”

He smiled. “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”*

*Psalm 37:4, NIV

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  1. Awesome post! Love this, “Please, don’t let useless worry steal your joy” especially because He has the plan! 🙂 Can’t wait to hear more about your potential overseas trip, lunch sometime??

    • beth

      Thanks Jen! I would love to do lunch. Name the date. 🙂

  2. Carolyn Trucano

    If there’s a possibility of overseas travel in a few short months, I’d suggest starting the process soon. Passport processing can take two or three months. If the trip with your friend doesn’t work out, I might be able to arrange a trip for you overseas AND with children!
    I believe in the truth of Ps. 37:4 – if you don’t already know it also.

    • beth


  3. I think we all struggle with where our future is heading – wouldn’t it be nice to skip ahead and read the end of the book? I think I’m going to remind myself of this quote “Please, don’t let useless worry steal your joy.” from time to time.

    • beth

      Yes it would! 🙂

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